Featured Image Source: TheyAllHateUs
We have all been there: your coworker just got the promotion you’d give your right arm for, and all you can think to do is bash her. You point out her dull personality, ghostly complexion, ill-fitting 2012 J.Crew coat and how she is so utterly undeserving.
It’s a valid reaction. (At first, before thinking about it.)
When we, or someone we care about, feels hurt, our first instinct is to attack the source of our suffering. I think of it as a defense mechanism. But there, I believe, lies a huge cultural flaw we continue to foster.
Music, movies, magazine articles, etc. They all proclaim (whether explicitly or implicitly) that the best way to make ourselves feel better is to tear others down. And I find this to be a particularly prominent ideology for women. And I really hate it. Shouldn’t we be our own biggest fans? Aren’t we all in this together? I know at DFSCC we are. But I see it elsewhere, and it’s disappointing.
Some of the #GirlBosses I look up to the most are the ones who react to disappointment and hurt in calm and constructive ways. Instead of criticizing who hurt them, they assess the situation and think of how they themselves could have done better. How they could have communicated, served, or treated people in more productive ways. I am a big believer that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. And isn’t that a better way to handle things?
As women in the work place, we at DFSCC know this mantra all too well. It is so, so easy to critique others, even if it’s well intentioned. Everyone has opinions. But that is why we are strong believers in building one another up (back to the love language thing. . . Hello words of affirmation!) and supporting each other in all we do. It’s really the only way.
But we also know that our small-yet-mighty team is just a tiny part of the broader work culture. Not every workplace is as positive as DFSCC, where we consciously work every day to understand, care, clarify, build each other up, and do what we can to ensure happiness of those around us. But imagine how much more productive our world would be if everyone focused on uplifting and speaking well of everyone, regardless of their previous actions. I can’t help but feel certain that it would allow for more trust, creativity, openness, and love. Not to mention some great collaborations, partnerships, and awesome work!
We don’t consider ourselves queens at DFSCC (heck, Dorothy takes out the trash and jokes that she needs to add that to her resume). We’re a bit too married to the positive #GirlBoss concept.
But, if a queen is what you choose to be, go on and fix the crown of another. We will be straightening up others’ desks (which, to us, is kinda the same thing as a crown, TBH).